As the Kowalski World Turns...

By this time next year - or hopefully much sooner than that - Aubrey will officially be ours. We have a few "hiccups" to get over, but our fingers are crossed that we are well on our way to becoming her "real" parents. 

So much has happened since I last wrote, and a lot of you already know most of the details, but let's recap what's been going on.

• First off, Baby V will hereafter in these posts be referred to as Aubrey. More about that in a minute.
• When Aubrey's caseworker made her monthly visit to us in December, we were informed that Aubrey's mom had reappeared after her extended absence. She claimed she had been in an abusive relationship and wasn't allowed to have contact with DFS, but according to the caseworker, the details of her story weren't believable.
• We also learned at that visit that it was very likely regular visitations were going to start up again. The caseworker told us that she had a meeting with Aubrey's mom the next day and would be in contact with us shortly after that to let us know when visits would be starting again.
• Fast forward to 2 weeks later - we hear from the caseworker for the first time since our last visit. Aubrey's 1st birthday was roughly 2 1/2 weeks away, and bio mom decided she wanted to see her one more time before her birthday. Because of bio mom's tendency to not show up at scheduled visits, this meeting was set up at the caseworker's office for the Friday at the end of that week. The meeting would also allow the caseworker to see how bio mom interacted with Aubrey.
• It's the Friday of the meeting at the caseworker's office, and all I can think is that bio mom is going to decide she wants to get her baby back, despite having not seen her daughter in more than 3 months. As I wait with Aubrey in the waiting room, bio mom walks in, scoops her up and starts cuddling all over her. Aubrey just looks at me with an expression that says "who is this woman and why is she hugging me?!"
• The caseworker comes into the waiting room and directs us back to a conference room for our meeting. Bio mom carries Aubrey while I walk behind. Aubrey looks confused and doesn't take her eyes off of me the entire time. I can tell she's making sure this strange woman isn't taking her away from me.
• In the meeting room bio mom sits Aubrey on the floor, and Aubrey immediately walks straight to me. I pick her up, cuddle with her for a second to reassure her, and then set her back on the floor. She clings to my legs, and won't even look at her bio mom. Eventually she gets distracted and starts playing, while bio mom tries to interact with her.
• Over the course of the visit (which, from start to finish, lasted about 30 minutes at the most!) bio mom makes a HUGE decision - she wants to do an open adoption with us. WHAT?! DID MY EARS JUST DECEIVE ME????!! I seriously could have started jumping up and down and screaming for joy! The caseworker clarifies that she heard correctly, and sure enough, she did.
• I know I have to define what kind of "open" adoption we are ok with. I tell bio mom that we are willing to send pictures, but we are not okay with her visiting Aubrey. She says she is fine with that as long as she can send gifts on special occasions. We all decide that would be just fine.
• In a very tender moment, bio mom starts to cry, as do I. She says she knows this is what's best for Aubrey, because even if she does stay sober, she just isn't a stable person and she knows Aubrey doesn't deserve that. I tell her that she has no idea how much this means to us, and I promise her that Aubrey will be well taken care of and always be happy. Then, we hug. I'll never forget that hug - two mothers, with a love for the same child, with VERY different futures, in an embrace filled with so much emotion there are no words to describe it.
• The caseworker tells us that she will let her supervisor know what has been decided, and then the proper paperwork will be drawn up, we'll all meet together again with some witnesses, and essentially Aubrey will be signed over to us. Everything will be filed electronically, and within a matter of days of the signing meeting, everything will be official.
• Bio mom cuts the visit short, says goodbye to Aubrey (who decides this time to hug her bio mom back), and leaves. I clarify a few things with the caseworker, and then Aubrey and I are on our way home. I'm not sure how I managed to get home without getting a ticket or crashing that car - my emotions were on overdrive!!

Phew, ok, that was a TON of recapping. And to think, I'm not even done yet (sorry!). The caseworker told us that the holidays were going to slow things down a little, so it would be after the first of the year that we heard something from her again. To us, that meant the caseworker would give us a call the first or, at the latest, second week of January, to give us an update on the adoption process. Um yeah, wrong! I called the caseworker several times, but it wasn't until this past week that we heard from her again.

The caseworker came by to visit with us this past Wednesday for her monthly visit with Aubrey. I have to admit, Jeremy and I both had been thinking we probably hadn't heard anything because bio mom had probably disappeared again. We were partially right - the caseworker told us that she hadn't had any contact with bio mom since the last meeting, but the real reason she hadn't really responded to our calls was because she was, essentially, trying to figure out the best course of action to take with Aubrey's case. Let me explain.

You see, bio mom decided she wanted to voluntarily relinquish her parental rights. You would think that would be easier than DFS doing a termination of rights, but in essence it's not - not when you are dealing with someone who notoriously doesn't show up when she's supposed to. In the time since we had last met with the caseworker, the caseworker found out that in order for bio mom to relinquish her rights, she needed to have an attorney. In order for her to get an attorney, she would need to get a court date set, and then she would need to SHOW UP for that court date. An attorney would be appointed for her at that court date to make sure she wasn't being forced to do a relinquishment, and then things would progress from there. If the caseworker filed for a termination of rights instead of letting bio mom do the relinquishment, bio mom doesn't have to show up for anything, and DFS has a lot more control over what happens. DFS is concerned bio mom won't show up when needed to do a relinquishment and then this process just gets dragged out longer and longer and longer. (Can you imagine her not showing up the day we are supposed to have Aubrey signed over to us?!)

So, the caseworker basically told us that she needed to talk to bio mom and go over everything with her. She was planning on meeting with bio mom either this week or next, but she said that she is pretty sure the state is going to go ahead with a termination of rights. What that means is that we wait until roughly March for a court date where DFS presents their evidence to a judge that they have made every reasonable effort to help bio mom get her baby back, and bio mom isn't making the needed progress. Then there's another court date for something, and somewhere down the road the rights are terminated and the adoption process starts.

Anyways, now we just have to wait, and we have NO idea how long that wait will be. Once we were told we would be able to adopt Aubrey, we decided her birth name had to go. Once she is officially ours, I will tell you all about how she got her original name, but at this point I still can't post what it is. Let's just say it sounds like an inappropriate adult name, and we are not going to let our darling little girl be called a name that makes her sound like a stripper (not even kidding!). So, her new name, once she is officially ours, will be Aubrey Eileen - Aubrey because we like it, and Eileen because that's my middle name :).

We really have no clue how long this process is going to take and how much of a roller coaster we're going to have to go through before everything is finalized, but when the day comes that she's officially ours, I know I'll be able to look back on all of this and breathe a big sigh of relief!