A change in plans

**Warning - This is a LONG post, lol***

It is with very mixed emotions that I write this post today. Many of you have already heard, but for those who don't know, we have decided to postpone the adoption journey at this time. We are both incredibly disappointed, and are looking forward to being able to get this show on the road again hopefully sooner rather than later.

Two weeks ago Jeremy and I went to the second class we needed to attend in order to become an approved pre-adoptive home, which would then lead to us being able to adopt from the state through the foster care system. Little did we know when that class began that we would not be going back again. Let me explain.

When Jeremy and I realized that having children of our own really wasn't an option, I began exploring adoption options. It didn't take long before I stumbled across information regarding adoptions through the foster care system. Although each state had different requirements, the process overall seemed pretty similar everywhere - get a home study done, get approved, and before you know it, you have a child. It was definitely encouraging to read about it, and we were excited to be able to go forward with it. Not long after Jeremy and I moved to Maryland, I contacted the state department in charge of foster care and adoptions. I explained that we weren't able to have children of our own, and that we really wanted to adopt, and we're hoping to do that through the foster care system. With enthusiasm the woman explained to me that what we wanted to do was completely feasible, and that it was not a difficult process to go through. She got my information, forwarded it to woman in charge of training all prospective foster and adoptive parents, and soon enough we were registered for training and excited to finally have the process underway. The first class went well, and we were excited to go back again. At that point we thought we were well on our way to becoming parents.

At the second class, the woman who oversees foster and adoptive placements in Charles County (where we live) was present. Early on in that session, she asked for a show of hands of who was planning to adopt. A ton of hands went up. Then she asked everyone who was raising their hand to put their hand down if they were NOT planning on fostering before adopting. I think Jeremy and I were the only ones who put down our hands. Then she began to explain that most children who are adopted through the foster care system are adopted by the people who are their foster parents, and she implied that simply adopting from the foster system was not really something the state encouraged or really even did much. That was the first thing that made us feel uneasy and question if our plan was going to work or not.

One thing I had researched before all of this began was whether or not we would be able to adopt a child out of state, or if we would HAVE to adopt through the Maryland foster care system. My research showed, and the woman I spoke to in the very beginning of this process, confirmed that it was perfectly feasible, and not hard at all, to adopt from any other state. It was great news, especially since we really want to adopt a girl who looks as much like us as possible, and we knew that would be easier to do if we could adopt from anywhere in the country. Well, in our second class another couple who is planning to adopt asked about adopting from other states, and the answer given was NOT what we had been told before. It was explained then that although it is possible to adopt out of state, the state doesn't really work very much with those cases, and definitely doesn't really like to work with them. Not what we wanted to hear.

Needless to say Jeremy and I had a bad feeling about our plan the rest of the class. Something didn't seem right - things weren't adding up, and we started to worry. The next day I emailed the Charles County coordinator to get clarification, and within 24 hours she responded and our fears were confirmed. Although the state could help facilitate an out-of-state adoption, the priority of the state was to find foster families - NOT to find adoptive homes. Without agreeing to be foster parents, the chances of us being able to adopt through the state were slim to none - and if it did happen, it could be years before a child was even placed in our home. Neither Jeremy or I are comfortable with being foster parents, so with heavy hearts we decided to stop attending the classes and start exploring other options.

To say that we were crushed is an understatement. We've waited so long to be parents, and we want this so badly, and parenthood finally seemed to be within our reach. Then, in a moment, it was snatched from us, and we were left with nothing. I started looking at private adoption agencies, and about had a heart attack when one I spoke to told me that we could expect to spend anywhere from $20,000-$50,000 on an adoption. Who can afford that?! From what I have learned just from searching the Internet, a lot of people pay for adoption expenses by taking out home equity lines on their houses, getting personal loans, using credit cards. We're not in a place to be able to do any of that. Again, we felt crushed and the situation seemed hopeless.

That second class and the corresponding email communications we received from the state and from the private adoption agency took place on a Tuesday and Wednesday, respectively. On Thursday though, things started to turn around, when Jeremy received a phone call from a hospital where he applied for a cath lab position - in Arizona. Although Jeremy has a stable job here in Maryland, he is not happy there, and within the past month he has been looking for work elsewhere with decent pay. I also have been searching for jobs that will pay me more. But neither of us were having much luck. Jeremy has spent more than 5 years in the medical field, but he really didn't want to go back to it. However, he made good money in the medical field - money that could allow us, given time, to be able to at least afford some sort of loan payments to cover adoption expenses. So, he started applying for cath lab jobs, and on that Thursday evening he was interviewed over the phone by a hospital in Lake Havasu City, Arizona. The town and the job seem ideal to us both, and they are flying him out there this week for an interview in person. Considering they are paying for his flight, rental car and hotel for 3 days - and considering they have only had 2 people apply to the position in the past 4 months - we figure the odds of him getting the job are pretty good. And we're excited about it. We thought Maryland was going to be our permanent home, but if this job works out, Arizona will be called home instead, and we're perfectly OK with that.

Jeremy working in the medical field again means a lot of good things for us. We can pay off our debts, live a more comfortable life and, most importantly, have a family. We have actually decided that we are going to look into intrauterine insemination as a means of getting pregnant whenever we get to where we will call home. If that doesn't work out, we will start looking at all of our adoption options again. Jeremy's making a big sacrifice by going back to a field he isn't thrilled about, but he's more than willing to do it because of what it means for us and our future. I'm so lucky to have him. We've had to deal with a lot of disappointment recently, but things are looking up, and we have a glimmer of hope that things will eventually work out - no matter how long it takes, and no matter where we live, we will be parents someday.