The big day

I haven't been very good at keeping up with this blog, but that may change here very soon. Why? Because tomorrow I have an appointment with a top-notch fertility clinic, and one way or another, I'm probably gonna have a lot to talk about.

Ever since Jeremy and I had to stop the foster-adopt process in Maryland, I have slowly been reverting back to the idea that I REALLY want to have a child that is biologically mine if at all possible. It took me quite a long time to adjust to the idea that we would probably never have a child of our own flesh and blood, so it seems like a step backwards almost that I'm now crossing my fingers that we will be able to once again. But this time around, I feel like our chances are better than ever.

This month our health insurance from Jeremy's employer kicked in, and although it doesn't cover very much of any fertility costs, it does cover some. We're taking that "some" and seeing how far it will take us. Unfortunately, there are no fertility specialists in Lake Havasu. In fact, there aren't even any doctors within a 100 mile radius that will perform ANY sort of fertility treatment. So, we'll be traveling 3 hours away to Las Vegas to Red Rock Fertility Clinic. I've read some outstanding reviews about this doctor, and the Advanced Nurse Practitioner who I will be having my consultation with tomorrow specializes in patients dealing with infertility who have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) - just like me - and in less invasive methods of fertility treatments - like Intrauterine Insemination (IUI), which is what we're interested in. (We simply cannot afford IVF, but IUI is MUCH less expensive.)

We aren't getting our hopes up yet, or at least, I'm trying not to, lol. I was excited to make the appointment, I have been looking forward to it ever since, and now that it's happening in less than a day, my excitement is building more and more. You see, IUI generally only has a 10-20% success rate, although my understanding is that some couples have a much better chance at conceiving with IUI than they do naturally. Given the results of various tests Jeremy and I had done when we were living in Fairbanks, my doctor there thought we would be one of those couples who successfully got pregnant through IUI. We didn't do it then because of financial concerns (we wish we had bitten the bullet and just tried it then anyway), but the doc I'm seeing tomorrow has all of our records from Fairbanks, and I'm hoping has already reviewed them and formed an opinion before I get there tomorrow. After she has reviewed all of our previous test results/history, I'm going to ask her to be 100% honest with me and tell me straight up if she thinks we will be successful with IUI. Her answer will determine what our next step is.

Honestly, aside from being excited, I'm extremely nervous. I soooo want her to tell me that IUI is the right course of action for us, but I'm trying to prepare myself for her to tell me it's not. It's very likely that she will want to run more tests before making that decision, and that's something I'm prepared to do. She also specializes in some holistic fertility treatments, and I'm not opposed to trying some of those if they sound legitimate to me. Whatever she tells me tomorrow, I probably won't be ready for it. If it's more tests, I'll be happy she thinks there's still a chance of some sort and be antsy until those tests are done and the results are in. If it's bad news, I'll probably cry the entire 3-hour car ride home and have to force myself not to sulk the whole weekend or longer. And if it's good news, well, wherever you are in the world, my smile will be big enough to reach you.

I should mention that we do have a plan if we get bad news. If indeed we are told that IUI or any other financially feasible treatment method is most likely just a waste of our time and money, we will once again begin the foster-adopt process, this time in Arizona. We ran into a lot of stumbling blocks with that in Maryland, but I have already contacted the appropriate people here and have had discussions with a woman from my church who adopted a daughter through the foster-adopt program locally - she will be an extremely valuable asset in the process if we have to go that route.

So, tomorrow is the big day. It's weird to think that our expanding family's future depends on what I learn at an appointment at 4:30 p.m. tomorrow. Whatever I'm told though, the truth is I'm glad this day is here. We're ready to get this show on the road, whatever that road may be.