Exciting Developments :)

As many of my friends and family sit tonight watching Election 2012 coverage, some celebrating and some mourning, I thought I would change the subject to something much more interesting and exciting - Baby V :).

Recently my job transferred me to the airport location here in Las Vegas, and with that new location I have started working nights - 2 p.m. to 12:30 a.m. With the change in schedule, I also no longer have Saturdays and Sundays off, but instead get to enjoy being off on Tuesdays and Wednesdays (at least for the next 4 weeks until shift changes happen again). Today, as Jeremy and I were preparing to go cast our votes, we received a call from Baby V's caseworker, asking if she could come within the next hour to do her monthly visit to see Baby V. We of course were willing and ready for her, and both were curious as to what information she would give us concerning Baby V's mom, who hasn't seen her daughter in more than a month now. Here's the update we got:

• Baby V's mom has officially had her visits with Baby V cancelled - According to the caseworker, the visitation staff were fed up with her never showing for her visits and took her off the schedule all together. We weren't surprised, considering how long it's been since she has actually shown for a visit.
• Bio mom (aka Baby V's mom) has had no contact with the Department of Family Services for quite some time now - Baby V's caseworker told us today that bio mom's phone number is no longer working and they have no idea where she is, what she's doing, and what her intentions are for getting Baby V back
• The state thinks they have located Baby V's dad - Or shall I say they thought they had found him until I gave them some important information today. You see, bio mom told me at one of our visits that the man she sees as Baby V's dad is Hispanic. You all have seen pictures of Baby V - that girl doesn't have one ounce of Hispanic in her. Bio mom recognized that as well, and told me that she and "dad" had separated for a short time around the time Baby V was conceived, but that she also couldn't remember "being with anyone white around that time." Yeah, you read that right. Long story short, we believe the man the state has located is the Hispanic man, but they haven't met him yet so they were not aware of his ethnicity (and his obvious non-relation to Baby V) until we told the caseworker about it today. In a normal family situation it wouldn't make a big difference what ethnicity a parent was, even if they weren't blood, as long as they were willing to BE a parent. When a child is in the care of the state, however, it makes a HUGE difference. That man, essentially, has NO rights to Baby V.
• Normally there would be a court hearing once Baby V has been in care for 6 months to assess bio mom's progress - The key word here is normally. We were told today that it's pretty standard to have a 6-month court hearing for the bio parents to see how they are doing with whatever plans have been set in place for them to get their child back. My understanding is that bio parents have from month 6 until month 10 to get their act together and show they are making a good effort in changing. If by month 10 they just aren't getting it, the state can file for a termination of parental rights.
• Because Baby V's mom seems to have fallen off the face of the earth, her caseworker is planning to make a request to the court to move up the 6 month/10 month hearings (not sure to when, but sooner rather than later) - In the long run, what this means is that the state is planning on making a case against bio mom to show they have made every reasonable effort to work with her to get Baby V back, but bio mom is simply not willing to work with them any longer. If the court agrees, the state can file to have bio mom's parental rights terminated before that 10 month mark, which would make Baby V's case turn into an adoption case.
• Baby V's caseworker has noted Jeremy and I as an adoptive resource for Baby V - This is the most exciting part!!! This means that if Baby V becomes available for adoption (which seems highly likely) we may very well be the ones who get to adopt her!!!!!!!!!!!! We had originally been told - by bio mom - that the family who has Baby V's half siblings had said they would adopt her if her parental rights were terminated, but according to the caseworker, that family has NOT expressed any interest in adopting her, which puts us first in line from what we understand!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Ok, I know that was long, so I'll try to be brief with the rest of this, lol. After today's visit with the caseworker, we are pretty confident that Baby V is going to be with us for quite awhile, and very possibly, she may get to be with us permanently. The caseworker told us today that she can see that Baby V has bonded with us, which totally warmed my heart :). I love that others can see that this precious little girl loves us just as much as we love her, and we love that if adoption is in Baby V's future, we stand a really good chance at becoming her forever family :). Now that's something to celebrate!

Baby V's Mom

I can hardly believe that today marks 4 weeks since we picked up Baby V. Time is flying by, and each day I'm growing more and more attached to this child who people say looks just like Jeremy and I. We love this little girl, and although we don't know exactly what the future will hold for the 3 of us, we're enjoying every moment we can with her. She's starting to try to walk more and more, and just last night her first tooth started to pop through her gums. Those things combined with the fact that she seems to be growing like a weed are moments I have always wanted to experience, and I feel richly blessed for being able to be part of this little girl's life and be there for those special occasions, even if it is just for a small portion of time.

When Jeremy and I first started this foster care journey, we knew we would be surprised and sometimes shocked (like we were with Little J) at what "parents" are capable of doing/not doing to/for their children. Now that we have had the chance to actually have several children in our home, it completely bewilders us and sometimes leaves me speechless (I know, hard to believe!). Baby V is an incredible little girl. Sure she fusses when she isn't getting her way and screams bloody murder when she's cranky, but overall she is a delightful baby with the cutest giggle and a personality to match. She is soooo loveable, and I simply cannot comprehend why anyone would do anything to jeopardize being able to raise her.

I cannot reveal too many details, but Baby V's mom has had a lot of struggles in her life, and has some repeating trials that have led her to no longer having Baby V in her care. The first time I met her mother, I was nervous and anxious, but it was clear to me from the moment she saw Baby V that this woman dearly loves her child. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn't a mother who absolutely adores her baby girl - a mother who swore to me that she would do whatever it took to get Baby V back. A week later, though, she was telling Jeremy and I that she wasn't sure she could do what CPS was requiring of her, and that she just may give up.

I have mixed emotions toward Baby V's mom. First off, I admire the love she has for her daughter, and for some of the things I know she has done to give her daughter the best life possible. On the flip side, I have some serious doubts as to whether or not Baby V is going to be in a safe, secure, and stable home if she returns to live with her mother. And of course, I want Baby V to stay with Jeremy and I. We've grown attached, and we would adopt her in a heartbeat if given the opportunity. Actually, Baby V's mom told us at one of the visits last week that if she decides she can't get her act together, she very well may terminate her parental rights and request that Baby V be placed permanently - ADOPTED - by Jeremy and I. Yeah, you read that right! I honestly am not sure if she really gets a choice in the matter, but I hope she does if that's what ends up happening.

Anyways, only time will tell if Baby V gets to stay with us or not, and if her mom is going to put in the tremendous effort required of her to get her daughter back. She didn't show up to her last visit with Baby V, and I'm about to head off to visit 1 of 2 for this week, so we'll see if she shows today. Part of me wants her to, and part of me doesn't. Either way, it's her loss if she doesn't show up or if she doesn't get her act together, because her daughter is incredible. For now, I'm the one she is learning to call mama.

**Her mom didn't show again today. If she doesn't show up tomorrow, that will be the third one she's missed in a row. Policy is that if she misses 3 consecutive visits, all vists are cancelled until she contacts the caseworker and asks to have them reinstated. **

Baby V

What a week this has been! It started out horribly, and has ended on an oh so sweet note :). I don't have much time to write this post, so I'm gonna make this quick!

After we made the decision to have Little J transition to another home, we felt totally criticized and ridiculed by the County. To make a long story short, there were some misunderstandings with the information they thought we had been given before we decided to take Little J's placement and they needed quite a bit of clearing up. They left us feeling like we would be passed over for future placements, and frankly we were worried sick that we would never have a child in our care again. On Friday I had an answer to a prayer when I rented a car to a woman who works for the Department of Family Services who was totally able to reassure me that all would be well and we would be getting calls for more placements soon. Little J is set to move to another home within the next 7 days or so (we don't have an exact date yet), but we figured we probably wouldn't get a call until she had been placed elsewhere. Wrong!

Yesterday Jeremy, Little J and I were hanging out, all feeling a little bored, when the phone rang. I immediately recognized the number as being from DFS, and being that it was a Saturday, I was pretty sure it was a call from the placement team. I thought I was going to be given details on Little J's move, but was pleasantly surprised to be asked if Jeremy and I could take an 8-month-old baby girl who had come into care only 2 hours before we got the call. We happily accepted, and set a time to pick up Baby V (as she will hereafter be known as) in an hour. Thank goodness we had thought ahead and bought a car seat, crib, playpen, highchair and diapers, because this little doll had very few belongings, all of which were filthy and are still sealed in plastic bags in the garage (where they will remain - DFS requires foster parents to keep all of the belongings a child comes into care with, even if those items are unsanitary, worn, etc.). We quickly put together the playpen and got the carseat in the car, and were on our way!

This visit to Child Haven was much different than when we picked up Little J. Even though we had less time to prepare for Baby V's arrival, it was overall a calmer, quicker, easier process. The moment we walked into the cottage where Baby V was sitting in a swing I was in love! This little girl is SOOOO cute and soooo loveable. She is generally happy, and seems to be right on target developmentally. Not much is known about why she was removed from her home, but we do know that she has two siblings who were removed and later adopted several years ago, so we're guessing there may be some recurring problem with the biological family.

Anyways, right now this is just considered an emergency placement while DFS searches for family members and such who may be able to take Baby V, but it could definitely turn into something longer - only time will tell. In the meantime we are adjusting to sleep deprivation and enjoying every moment of cuddling with this adorable, happy baby. My heart is full of joy, and all I can think is "this is exactly what I want." Life is good :)

Little J

Early morning, Saturday, Aug. 25:
I can hardly believe that I'm writing this post this morning with an 8-year-old sound asleep in her bedroom - an absolutely adorable little girl who has been through so much, but still has a spark in her eye and such an incredible excitement for life. Words cannot describe how much I already love her, and how excited I am to have Jeremy and I show her what it's like to be treated like the precious angel she is.

Just a little over a week ago we met with our licensing worker to sign our final paperwork and review our home study. At that meeting we also had the opportunity to look through a book of children who are already legally free for adoption - children that, once our license was approved, we could inquire more about and meet to see if we were a good fit for each other. One child caught our eye, and we had every intention of learning more about her. Then we got a phone call that changed everything.

Evening, Saturday, Aug. 25:
We had been told by our licensing worker at our final signing of paperwork that we would know we were officially licensed in one of 3 ways - 1. She would call us to let us know; 2. We would receive our paper license in the mail; or 3. We would get a call for a placement. She informed us that often people discover they are licensed because they get that long awaited call. Sure enough, that was the case for us. Thursday morning I was at work, walking out to the back parking lot to get a car for a customer, when, simply out of habit, I checked to see if I had any messages on my phone. I had several missed calls, from Jeremy and from a local number I didn't recognize. I checked my voicemail, and just about lost my breath when I heard a woman from the Department of Family Services on the other line, asking me to return her call because she had a little girl she wanted to see if Jeremy and I could take. Over the course of several conversations with the placement worker I learned all I could about her situation - a horrible one to say the least - and about what sort of care this little girl (who I'll hereafter refer to as Little J) would need. Jeremy and I didn't hesitate. We were ready, and hearing about Little J's situation only fueled the fire we already had to make a difference in the life of a child who desperately needed it.

Once we had told the placement worker we wanted to take Little J into our care, we made arrangements to meet her that night and take her home with us. Can I just say that was such a long day for me!! The plan was to go to Child Haven - the name of the place where the children stay until they find a home - that evening. We had been told that Little J didn't have any belongings coming with her, so I spent my lunch break at Target running around buying the essential items an 8 year old child would need - namely clothes - and some "My Little Pony" toys since we had been told Little J loves ponys. We were completely on Cloud 9. Then I got a call several hours later telling me that due to the circumstances that took Little J out of her biological family's home, we would have to pick her up on Friday instead of Thursday. Talk about being crushed! Needless to say, Thursday night I was like a kid the night before Christmas, having a hard time sleeping and just wanting Friday night to get here as quickly as it possibly could.

Of course Friday was one of the slowest days ever for me at work, lol. And of course, the night I needed to make sure I got off work on time we were slammed at the last minute and I had no choice but to stay late. At 6:20 though I was able to leave (despite there still being work to do, so thanks to my boss for that!) and I drove home quickly to get Jeremy so we could head to Child Haven. We threw the booster seat in the car and booked it down to Child Haven. We both were overwhelmed with a variety of emotions - the day we had waited for for so long had finally arrived, and we were moments away from meeting the first child we would take into our care.

When we arrived at Child Haven, a member of the placement team met with us before she took us to meet Little J, going over A LOT of paperwork and telling us about her upcoming medical needs. We knew she had some medical issues, but we were surprised to learn about all the appointments she was going to have over the next few weeks and months. Nonetheless, we were willing and were ready to meet her.

Child Haven is a great place. There are outdoor play areas, and lots of cottages where the children stay. Each cottage is staffed by wonderful people who truly care for the children who have to stay there while they wait for a placement. When we walked into the cottage where Little J was staying, we were greeted by several girls (ranging in age from 13-15 I believe, who were waiting for their foster parents to get there), and out walks Little J from the play area. Let me first say that Little J has been through some horrific things - honestly, horrific only begins to describe the kind of life she has lived. We had been told before we accepted the placement that because of the things she had been through her top lip looked similar to what a cleft palate looks like and would require cosmetic surgery to fix. We had braced ourselves for what that poor little girl's lip would look like, but when she walked into our view I will be honest and say that both Jeremy and I were taken back by it. When you know the details we know about the things she's been through, it's hard to see an injury like that and not be angry and not be upset by it. Those first few moments of meeting her were a little awkward too - what do you say to a child who was just removed from the only home they've ever known and you're there to take them into your home instead?? We signed some more paperwork, went over her medical history to a small degree, gathered up her belongings, and headed out to the car.

Words cannot describe how I felt as I reached my hand out to Little J and she placed hers in mind for the first time. Walking to the car that night I felt complete :). Once we got home Jeremy and I spent some time getting to know Little J a little better, introducing her to all the animals and showing her around the house. Bedtime the first night was a bit of a struggle, and Jeremy and I woke up to every little noise we heard that night. I had to work that Saturday morning, so I was the first one up, but Little J was up pretty quickly after me (something we have now learned is habit for her, lol). She had told me she had never been grocery shopping before, so when I got home from work that day she was more than excited to go to the store with me - and I was more than thrilled to have her come along! We also treated her to what we thought was her first McDonald's (we later learned she was treated to McDonald's while waiting to be placed).

Because of the hectic and sudden changes in our family dynamic, I stayed home from church on Sunday and spent time relaxing and getting to know Little J better. The best part of the day by far though was skyping with my parents with Little J sitting on my lap. She absolutely LOVED it!! Overall it was a great weekend!

One week later, Saturday, Sept. 1:
What a whirlwind of a week it's been. Little did we know when we agreed to take Little J into our care just what that would entail. Many children in foster care have some pretty serious behavior issues - we've been VERY lucky because Little J is all around pretty well behaved. Of course she has some normal kid behaviors that we expected, but she also DOESN'T have a lot of the behaviors we were bracing ourselves to deal with. When we first took her into care we felt like some of the luckiest foster parents in all of Nevada!

I mentioned earlier that when we arrived at Child Haven to pick Little J up that we were surprised by the amount of appointments we were told she needed to be at. At that time it seemed like it wouldn't be too much, but as the week progressed and we learned more and more about the medical care this precious angel needs, we started to come to a realization that we were in over our heads. Her medical needs are so great that her placement team has decided to NOT have her enrolled in school until further notice because she would be missing A LOT of school for doctors appointment, etc. Little J's caseworker told us that the amount of appointments we are having to take her to is not the norm for a child in foster care, which gives you a slight hint as to just how many appointments this poor little girl has to endure.

Last night Jeremy and I made a tough decision - within the next few weeks Little J will be transitioning from our home into another foster family's home. We've already developed a bond with Little J, and we both care about her wellbeing, but we also care about her enough to know that we aren't the right fit for her. We haven't come to this decision lightly, and it will be a hard goodbye for all of us. Last night Jeremy and I discovered that we both had been thinking for days that we were in too deep before we had even brought it up to one another. For us that was a clear sign that we had taken on too much too soon. When we agreed to take the placement of Little J, we weren't aware of all of her medical needs, and had we known then what we know now about what those needs would entail, we would have respectfully declined the placement.

There is also a more emotional side of it for me too. After we had agreed to take in Little J, but before we had gone to pick her up, we were offered another placement of two sisters, ages 3 and 4. We were unable to accept that placement because 1. We only have a total of 2 beds available, and we had already agreed to take Little J, so taking sisters was out of the question; and 2. Even if we had had 3 beds total, we really only feel ready at the moment to take one child on at a time. I realized something though when we got that phone call - I wanted a younger child, not am 8-year old. I felt regret for accepting Little J's placement because it meant we couldn't accept placements of younger kids, and then almost immediately after feeling the regret I felt VERY guilty for having felt the regret in the first place. At first I thought that maybe it was just a one time thing, but I soon discovered it wasn't. Earlier this week we were asked to take in a 10-month-old baby girl. Saying no to that placement felt like a knife wound to the heart, and again I had the regret-then-guilt feelings repeat. With the plethora of medical needs Little J has, there is NO way we could take in a baby. And just yesterday we were asked to take a 2 year old girl, which caused me to feel the same way yet again. Do you see the pattern? I have an 8 year old in my care, and every time I'm offered a younger child that I cannot accept placement for, it kills me. Jeremy and I had said throughout the foster licensing process that we would be happy to take in children ages 0 to 13, but I've now realized that I'm not OK with that (which is ironic since it was my idea to take in kids that old in the first place!). I have a need to be a mom, yes, but it's a need that I need fulfilled through the eyes of younger child, at least at this time. I know it may seem selfish of me, but it's not fair to myself or especially to Little J for me to pretend that I'm perfectly content passing up every younger child offered to us, and with her ongoing medical needs, there's no way we could ever take on a second child and thus no way for me to have my need for a younger child fulfilled.

So now we wait. Because of the 3-day weekend, plans for Little J's new placement won't start until Tuesday, and we aren't sure how much longer we have with her. For now we are just going to enjoy every moment we can. Today we made cookies:). Once she is transitioned out of our home, we will begin considering placements for younger children, but this time we know the right questions to ask before we accept a placement again.

Little J will always hold a special place in our hearts. I have taken quite a few pictures over the past week, and I plan to reflect on them often. I know she wants to stay here with us, but I also know she has a better future with another family. We will miss her giggles, her cuddling up with us, her dancing around the house to the radio, and so much more. I don't know if she will remember us when she's older, but if she does, I hope she remembers that we were the people who took her in and loved her when her world had fallen apart, and who loved her enough to let her go.

What a month!

So it goes without saying that I am absolutely horrible at keeping up with this blog. In my defense though, this month has been absolutely crazy to say the least, and this is the first weekend in a LONG time I haven't felt overwhelmed with things to do. Thus, my blog is getting an update, lol.

The last time I wrote we had just finished class #8 of 10 to be licensed as foster care parents in Nevada. It's now the end of July, and we're still waiting to be officially licensed. We finished up all 10 of our classes in June as planned, but our licensing workers have been so extremely busy that it wasn't until last week that they were able to conduct our 2nd home visit, and complete the home inspection. On August 8 we will meet with our licensing workers at their office, and hopefully within 2 weeks of that we will be OFFICIAL! That means that it's very likely that we may have children in our home by the end of August. We are completely stoked!

Over the past month our lives have been crazy. Aside from waiting impatiently for our 2nd in home visit to arrive, we've managed to move to a different neighborhood, purchase everything under the sun we can think of for our soon-to-be children, and I've spent weeks studying for a HUGE test that I just aced this week (which resulted in a promotion for me). Geesh, when I put it in a sentence it doesn't sound like we had a lot going on, but it sure didn't feel that way!

First, about the move. When we moved to Vegas we did our best to find a rental home in a good neighborhood that met our standards - a decent backyard fenced in for the dogs, at least 3 bedrooms, and fairly modern. We found an adorable house that had been completely renovated not too far from where I work, and the backyard was massive. But there were a few problems: 1. The house was old, so we were spending more than what we should have been spending for air conditioning, and the A/C wasn't very efficient as it was; 2. Our next door neighbors were very nice, but they were drug dealers (thankfully they moved out before we did, but still...); 3. The neighborhood itself was a little sketchy; and 4. We were a little crammed for space, and that's without the addition of children. So, we decided to move. We were VERY lucky, and found a place even closer to my work, with a lot more space and it's absolutely perfect :). The schools in this area are better as well, and all of the neighbors we've met thus far are very nice. We're very happy to be in this house now - one of these days I'll get around to taking and posting pictures of it :).

Now about my test. When you work for Enterprise, you start out in a bottom level position known as a Management Trainee. In order to get promoted (which includes a pay raise) you have to meet certain qualifications and take 2 different tests. The first test is about 200 questions and I aced it back in April. I worked hard to meet all the other necessary qualifications, and found out at the very beginning of July that I was qualified to take the 2nd test - known as the Grill (an oral exam this time administered by various higher-ups) - on July 26. I can't remember the last time I studied so hard for anything! Two weeks and 300 flashcards later, I took the test and passed with flying colors (quite a big accomplishment, especially since many people do not pass the test the first time they take it). Passing the test automatically promoted me to Management Assistant, and with a little more time and learning I will be able to apply for Assistant Manager positions. My career is EXACTLY on track :).

And of course, now about buying a bazillion things for our upcoming children. We purchased 2 twin beds awhile ago, but since then we have bought A LOT more. I spent hours at Barnes and Noble picking out children's books (it was so much fun!), and have thoroughly enjoyed buying everything from Barbies to puzzles to playdough to dolls for the girls we will get to take care of for however long they may be with us. We also bought a crib, highchair, playpen (on sale for $50! Thank you Target!), stroller, bottles, pacifiers, and A LOT of different diaper sizes. Because we are fostering and have such a large age group (ages 0 to 13), we wanted to be prepared for anything. Can I just say that I now have a new found appreciation for baby showers?! Going to the store and purchasing all of those items was not only exhausting but often frustrating because I didn't know what I needed to get, not to mention that it was also expensive. We know it will all be worth it, but man, I'll never think of a baby shower the same way again - you people are lucky to be given so many useful things rather than having to buy them all on your own ( I could go on a tangent here about how I yet again feel jipped out of the joy of a baby shower all because the kids I will have aren't biologically mine, but I'll restrain myself...).

So yeah, I think that's about it for the moment. Honestly, I'm pretty much on Cloud 9 right now with life. Everything is falling into place just like I wanted it to - we have a great house, my job is amazing, and words cannot even begin to describe how I feel about the fact that our home will soon be blessed with the voices of children :). And hey, with how horrible I am at blogging, by the time I get around to my next post, maybe we'll have kids here! Now that's something to look forward to :).

Change is near...

I'm sitting here at our computer, waiting to go to church, still incredibly energized from what we did yesterday and the dreams I had last night. I have SOOO much to share and I tend to get a little long winded in my posts, so I'll try not to babble too much, lol ;), but I'm not making any promises!

This past week we completed class #8 of 10. The fact that we have only 2 more classes to go is both very exciting and nerve wracking. Especially since we made a decision a few weeks ago that will forever change our lives - we are going to be foster care parents. Originally when we started this process, our intentions were not to foster any child that we would not be able to adopt. In fact, even when we had our first in home consultation back in May, we told our caseworkers that we were only interested in taking in children who's parental rights had already been terminated and who we could legally adopt. But then something changed. I don't know when it happened, and I don't think it was any one particular thing that changed our minds, but after that consultation Jeremy and I started having more conversations about fostering children who would very likely be reunified with their biological families. We analyzed the pros and cons of being foster parents, and it didn't take us long to decide that that was the right choice for us. We of course still want to adopt a child of our own and still have every intention of doing so, but we also will be parents to many children who are in need of a stable, loving home while their parents work on getting their lives back in order so they can be reunified with their children.

Because we have decided to be foster parents, having children in our home sooner rather than later is eminent. Once we have finished our last 2 classes (they wrap up on June 20, 2012), we will have one more in-home consultation and a final consultation in our caseworkers' office. Then we will be licensed foster parents, and the phone could ring at anytime asking us to take a child into our home. Because of that, our home needs to be ready for a child to come into it at ANY moment of ANY day. That means that our spare bedrooms that have previously had closets filled with my extra clothes, luggage, and lots of other junk have to be empty so that a child can have their own space for their belongings (and really we wouldn't have it any other way). Although we have had one bedroom that, aside from the closet, has been sitting empty since we moved to Vegas (let's just say I thought ahead, lol), the other bedroom has been Jeremy's workout room and the room for all the cat toys/stuff. So yesterday we buckled down and cleaned out both closets in the bedrooms and found new places for all the items in the second, previously filled spare bedroom. It was completely energizing to be doing something that makes us being parents - even if only to children for short periods of time - such a reality in the very near future.

This week we will begin the hunt for furniture, which is a daunting task considering we have no idea the ages of the children we will have in our home. We have told our caseworkers that we are willing to take in children ages 0-13, so that makes it a little bit of a challenge to figure out the bed situation. We are hoping to be licensed for 3 beds - which means we can have 3 children in our home at a time - so we are currently thinking about getting bunk beds that separate into 2 twin beds, and a convertible crib that can become a toddler bed. Once we have the furniture, I'm going out shopping for bedding and decorations, and I can hardly wait!! It makes me want to cry tears of joy just to think about picking out children's bedding/decorations at the store. I've dreamed about decorating a child's room for years, and now that dream is finally becoming a reality.

Last night I dreamt about being a foster parent, and although I can't remember any details of the dream(s) I had regarding the subject, I can still feel the immense love in my heart the dream invoked in me. We know we are about to take on an incredibly challenging, daunting task, but we are ready to make a difference in the lives of children who so desperately need the love we have to offer, and we know our lives will be forever changed for the better for doing so.

Ready To Be Parents

I know, I know - it's been FOREVER since I blogged, and SOOO much has happened since my last entry. But hey, at least I'm writing now - that counts for something, right?!

So the last time I wrote we had just discovered that our health insurance was not going to cover any sort of fertility treatment and we were crossing our fingers that whatever new job I found would give us health insurance that did offer coverage for fertility. I had no new job, we still lived in Arizona, and we were completely unaware of how drastically our lives were about to change :). I have a lot of catching up to do and I'll try to be succinct, but I've never been good at being concise, so here goes nothing, lol.

After Christmas I had the opportunity to interview for a management training position with Enterprise Rent-a-car in Las Vegas. For some time Jeremy and I had been trying to figure out a way to get him out of the medical field and get me into a career where I could really grow and be happy, and applying for the job with Enterprise seemed too good to be true by the looks of the job description online. But, I applied nonetheless, not expecting anything to come of it. Little did I know that within months I would be starting on a new career path - with Enterprise - in Las Vegas. It really was an easy decision for our family - everything I had learned about Enterprise through the interview process and my own research made me incredibly excited to work for the company, and Jeremy and I were very quickly falling in love with Las Vegas. Lake Havasu will always hold a special place in our hearts, but Vegas has so much more to offer us in so many ways. So, Jeremy and I both resigned from our positions in Havasu and the last weekend of January we moved to Las Vegas. We were very blessed to find an awesome house to rent close to my office, and on Feb. 6 I started my new job. That same week Jeremy was offered a job with Alamo (which is owned by Enterprise) and everything in life seemed to be falling into place perfectly. We were living in a great new city, both had jobs we liked, and we had good health insurance. There was only one kink in our plan - our health insurance, yet again, had no fertility treatment coverage.

It's interesting how my emotions about motherhood have changed over time. I've gone from one end of the spectrum to the other - wanting nothing more than to have my own baby, then deciding I'd be ok adopting a baby instead, and then deciding that having a baby wasn't even a priority anymore - I just wanted a child, whether it's mine biologically or not. I'd experienced that spectrum of emotional changes before we ever started going through our fertility testing when we moved to Arizona, but the testing made me revert back to how I originally felt - I wanted to have my own baby again, and although adopting was always in the back of my mind, I didn't think I would have to go back to that option again. I assumed any fertility treatments we tried would work and before long we would be expecting. So when our insurance changed, as I mentioned in a previous post, I was devastated. I felt like our dream of being parents was just within reach and it was snatched from our hands. Life seemed cruel and unfair.

Once we got to Vegas and I learned the details of my job's health insurance - and what it didn't cover - I knew I couldn't sit around and sulk. And honestly, I didn't. I'm ready to be a mother, and I surprised myself by how quickly my emotions changed from wanting a child of my own to only caring about being a mom - I don't have to have a biological child to be a mom, and that was an option I wasn't going to "count on" anymore. It was seriously like a lightbulb switched on in my brain, and I went to work figuring out what we needed to do to adopt from the foster care system in Nevada. I'll admit we were a little nervous about pursuing that option again since it didn't turn out well when we began to pursue that option in Maryland, but it has honestly been one of the BEST decisions we have ever made. We learned about how things work in Nevada, and have been pleasantly surprised and reassured along the way that this state is different than Maryland, and what we plan to do is completely feasible and in no way an inconvenience (Maryland made us feel like we had unrealistic expectations and that we would receive no help in what we wanted to do). We also learned what Nevada required us to do, and we started doing it.

Our first step was to attend an orientation class to learn some basic information about foster care and foster-adopt in Clark County (where we live). That was on Valentine's Day - Feb. 14, 2012. At that meeting we had to fill out some basic paperwork, and then we had to wait to see if we were cleared to go ahead and get fingerprinted and submit extensive paperwork for probably the most in-depth background checks we would ever go through. At the start of March we got the go-ahead, and on my birthday - March 10, 2012 - we completed that second step (I planned that on my birthday purposely - it was an awesome birthday present to know we were doing something that would eventually lead us to being parents!). A few weeks later we were informed that we had been cleared to attend a 10-week training class to become licensed foster care parents (you have to become licensed as foster-care parents before you can adopt from the state). The classes are on the weeknights and are 3 hours each, and because Jeremy works a night shift and I have crazy hours, we were really concerned about how we would be able to attend the classes. But, yet again, everything ended up working out with our schedules and we started our classes on Wednesday, April 18, 2012.

As of this post we have completed 5 out of 10 classes, and we have had our first in-home consultation. I could write pages and pages about everything we have learned in just 5 classes - we have learned soooo much, and each week we learn more and more. We feel like sponges, soaking everything up as fast as we can and competely enthralled with what we are learning. The classes are not a piece of cake though, that's for sure. The 3rd and 4th classes were quite depressing, but still very enlightening. These kids have been through SO much, and these classes lay it all out there. The classes can be emotionally draining, but I love the conversations Jeremy and I have about what we are learning and how we plan to apply it to our parenting techniques once we have a child in our home. Oh, and the in-home consultation - totally not scary at all. We actually had it on Mother's Day - May 13, 2012. We were both nervous about what it would entail, but we were both pleasantly surprised at how easy it was - roughly 3 hours of questions about our childhoods, how we felt about certain aspects of parenting, and a short inspection to make sure our home was safe for a child to live in. Piece of cake :).

So, here's where we stand now: we have 5 more classes to attend, 1 more in-home consultation (a shorter one this time), an in-office final consultation, and then we should be licensed as foster care parents and we will be able to adopt from the foster care system when we find a child who is a good match for our family and more importantly, who we will be a good match for. We're a little nervous about things getting held up though. Remember those intense background checks we had to submit paperwork for that I mentioned earlier? Yeah well at our first in-home consultation one of the people working with us mentioned that they are still waiting to get those background checks back from 5 states - we've only lived in 6 (the 6th being Nevada!). She also mentioned that she once had a woman who ended up waiting a year and a half to get her background check completed from 1 state! Talk about a good way to make a girl anxious and concerned!! Anyways, I'm hoping that the states Jeremy and I have lived in will be quick with the checks, but I'm not too sure about that considering we submitted the paperwork for them back at the beginning of March and it's now almost June and we're still waiting - ugh. We shall see how long it takes, but if all this other stuff is done and we are just waiting on the background checks I'm gonna have to start making some calls of my own to see that it gets done!!

Anyways, we are both very excited about everything and can hardly wait until this whole process is over and we can just be parents! I never imagined that I would be soooo ready to adopt - but I am! I truely feel like I have grieved for myself for not being able to have children of my own, and that I have coped with all the emotions that come with that realization. Jeremy and I have waited long enough to be called mommy and daddy, and we could not be more thrilled about what the future holds for us - we're ready to be parents.