So it goes without saying that I am absolutely horrible at keeping up with this blog. In my defense though, this month has been absolutely crazy to say the least, and this is the first weekend in a LONG time I haven't felt overwhelmed with things to do. Thus, my blog is getting an update, lol.
The last time I wrote we had just finished class #8 of 10 to be licensed as foster care parents in Nevada. It's now the end of July, and we're still waiting to be officially licensed. We finished up all 10 of our classes in June as planned, but our licensing workers have been so extremely busy that it wasn't until last week that they were able to conduct our 2nd home visit, and complete the home inspection. On August 8 we will meet with our licensing workers at their office, and hopefully within 2 weeks of that we will be OFFICIAL! That means that it's very likely that we may have children in our home by the end of August. We are completely stoked!
Over the past month our lives have been crazy. Aside from waiting impatiently for our 2nd in home visit to arrive, we've managed to move to a different neighborhood, purchase everything under the sun we can think of for our soon-to-be children, and I've spent weeks studying for a HUGE test that I just aced this week (which resulted in a promotion for me). Geesh, when I put it in a sentence it doesn't sound like we had a lot going on, but it sure didn't feel that way!
First, about the move. When we moved to Vegas we did our best to find a rental home in a good neighborhood that met our standards - a decent backyard fenced in for the dogs, at least 3 bedrooms, and fairly modern. We found an adorable house that had been completely renovated not too far from where I work, and the backyard was massive. But there were a few problems: 1. The house was old, so we were spending more than what we should have been spending for air conditioning, and the A/C wasn't very efficient as it was; 2. Our next door neighbors were very nice, but they were drug dealers (thankfully they moved out before we did, but still...); 3. The neighborhood itself was a little sketchy; and 4. We were a little crammed for space, and that's without the addition of children. So, we decided to move. We were VERY lucky, and found a place even closer to my work, with a lot more space and it's absolutely perfect :). The schools in this area are better as well, and all of the neighbors we've met thus far are very nice. We're very happy to be in this house now - one of these days I'll get around to taking and posting pictures of it :).
Now about my test. When you work for Enterprise, you start out in a bottom level position known as a Management Trainee. In order to get promoted (which includes a pay raise) you have to meet certain qualifications and take 2 different tests. The first test is about 200 questions and I aced it back in April. I worked hard to meet all the other necessary qualifications, and found out at the very beginning of July that I was qualified to take the 2nd test - known as the Grill (an oral exam this time administered by various higher-ups) - on July 26. I can't remember the last time I studied so hard for anything! Two weeks and 300 flashcards later, I took the test and passed with flying colors (quite a big accomplishment, especially since many people do not pass the test the first time they take it). Passing the test automatically promoted me to Management Assistant, and with a little more time and learning I will be able to apply for Assistant Manager positions. My career is EXACTLY on track :).
And of course, now about buying a bazillion things for our upcoming children. We purchased 2 twin beds awhile ago, but since then we have bought A LOT more. I spent hours at Barnes and Noble picking out children's books (it was so much fun!), and have thoroughly enjoyed buying everything from Barbies to puzzles to playdough to dolls for the girls we will get to take care of for however long they may be with us. We also bought a crib, highchair, playpen (on sale for $50! Thank you Target!), stroller, bottles, pacifiers, and A LOT of different diaper sizes. Because we are fostering and have such a large age group (ages 0 to 13), we wanted to be prepared for anything. Can I just say that I now have a new found appreciation for baby showers?! Going to the store and purchasing all of those items was not only exhausting but often frustrating because I didn't know what I needed to get, not to mention that it was also expensive. We know it will all be worth it, but man, I'll never think of a baby shower the same way again - you people are lucky to be given so many useful things rather than having to buy them all on your own ( I could go on a tangent here about how I yet again feel jipped out of the joy of a baby shower all because the kids I will have aren't biologically mine, but I'll restrain myself...).
So yeah, I think that's about it for the moment. Honestly, I'm pretty much on Cloud 9 right now with life. Everything is falling into place just like I wanted it to - we have a great house, my job is amazing, and words cannot even begin to describe how I feel about the fact that our home will soon be blessed with the voices of children :). And hey, with how horrible I am at blogging, by the time I get around to my next post, maybe we'll have kids here! Now that's something to look forward to :).
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Change is near...
I'm sitting here at our computer, waiting to go to church, still incredibly energized from what we did yesterday and the dreams I had last night. I have SOOO much to share and I tend to get a little long winded in my posts, so I'll try not to babble too much, lol ;), but I'm not making any promises!
This past week we completed class #8 of 10. The fact that we have only 2 more classes to go is both very exciting and nerve wracking. Especially since we made a decision a few weeks ago that will forever change our lives - we are going to be foster care parents. Originally when we started this process, our intentions were not to foster any child that we would not be able to adopt. In fact, even when we had our first in home consultation back in May, we told our caseworkers that we were only interested in taking in children who's parental rights had already been terminated and who we could legally adopt. But then something changed. I don't know when it happened, and I don't think it was any one particular thing that changed our minds, but after that consultation Jeremy and I started having more conversations about fostering children who would very likely be reunified with their biological families. We analyzed the pros and cons of being foster parents, and it didn't take us long to decide that that was the right choice for us. We of course still want to adopt a child of our own and still have every intention of doing so, but we also will be parents to many children who are in need of a stable, loving home while their parents work on getting their lives back in order so they can be reunified with their children.
Because we have decided to be foster parents, having children in our home sooner rather than later is eminent. Once we have finished our last 2 classes (they wrap up on June 20, 2012), we will have one more in-home consultation and a final consultation in our caseworkers' office. Then we will be licensed foster parents, and the phone could ring at anytime asking us to take a child into our home. Because of that, our home needs to be ready for a child to come into it at ANY moment of ANY day. That means that our spare bedrooms that have previously had closets filled with my extra clothes, luggage, and lots of other junk have to be empty so that a child can have their own space for their belongings (and really we wouldn't have it any other way). Although we have had one bedroom that, aside from the closet, has been sitting empty since we moved to Vegas (let's just say I thought ahead, lol), the other bedroom has been Jeremy's workout room and the room for all the cat toys/stuff. So yesterday we buckled down and cleaned out both closets in the bedrooms and found new places for all the items in the second, previously filled spare bedroom. It was completely energizing to be doing something that makes us being parents - even if only to children for short periods of time - such a reality in the very near future.
This week we will begin the hunt for furniture, which is a daunting task considering we have no idea the ages of the children we will have in our home. We have told our caseworkers that we are willing to take in children ages 0-13, so that makes it a little bit of a challenge to figure out the bed situation. We are hoping to be licensed for 3 beds - which means we can have 3 children in our home at a time - so we are currently thinking about getting bunk beds that separate into 2 twin beds, and a convertible crib that can become a toddler bed. Once we have the furniture, I'm going out shopping for bedding and decorations, and I can hardly wait!! It makes me want to cry tears of joy just to think about picking out children's bedding/decorations at the store. I've dreamed about decorating a child's room for years, and now that dream is finally becoming a reality.
Last night I dreamt about being a foster parent, and although I can't remember any details of the dream(s) I had regarding the subject, I can still feel the immense love in my heart the dream invoked in me. We know we are about to take on an incredibly challenging, daunting task, but we are ready to make a difference in the lives of children who so desperately need the love we have to offer, and we know our lives will be forever changed for the better for doing so.
This past week we completed class #8 of 10. The fact that we have only 2 more classes to go is both very exciting and nerve wracking. Especially since we made a decision a few weeks ago that will forever change our lives - we are going to be foster care parents. Originally when we started this process, our intentions were not to foster any child that we would not be able to adopt. In fact, even when we had our first in home consultation back in May, we told our caseworkers that we were only interested in taking in children who's parental rights had already been terminated and who we could legally adopt. But then something changed. I don't know when it happened, and I don't think it was any one particular thing that changed our minds, but after that consultation Jeremy and I started having more conversations about fostering children who would very likely be reunified with their biological families. We analyzed the pros and cons of being foster parents, and it didn't take us long to decide that that was the right choice for us. We of course still want to adopt a child of our own and still have every intention of doing so, but we also will be parents to many children who are in need of a stable, loving home while their parents work on getting their lives back in order so they can be reunified with their children.
Because we have decided to be foster parents, having children in our home sooner rather than later is eminent. Once we have finished our last 2 classes (they wrap up on June 20, 2012), we will have one more in-home consultation and a final consultation in our caseworkers' office. Then we will be licensed foster parents, and the phone could ring at anytime asking us to take a child into our home. Because of that, our home needs to be ready for a child to come into it at ANY moment of ANY day. That means that our spare bedrooms that have previously had closets filled with my extra clothes, luggage, and lots of other junk have to be empty so that a child can have their own space for their belongings (and really we wouldn't have it any other way). Although we have had one bedroom that, aside from the closet, has been sitting empty since we moved to Vegas (let's just say I thought ahead, lol), the other bedroom has been Jeremy's workout room and the room for all the cat toys/stuff. So yesterday we buckled down and cleaned out both closets in the bedrooms and found new places for all the items in the second, previously filled spare bedroom. It was completely energizing to be doing something that makes us being parents - even if only to children for short periods of time - such a reality in the very near future.
This week we will begin the hunt for furniture, which is a daunting task considering we have no idea the ages of the children we will have in our home. We have told our caseworkers that we are willing to take in children ages 0-13, so that makes it a little bit of a challenge to figure out the bed situation. We are hoping to be licensed for 3 beds - which means we can have 3 children in our home at a time - so we are currently thinking about getting bunk beds that separate into 2 twin beds, and a convertible crib that can become a toddler bed. Once we have the furniture, I'm going out shopping for bedding and decorations, and I can hardly wait!! It makes me want to cry tears of joy just to think about picking out children's bedding/decorations at the store. I've dreamed about decorating a child's room for years, and now that dream is finally becoming a reality.
Last night I dreamt about being a foster parent, and although I can't remember any details of the dream(s) I had regarding the subject, I can still feel the immense love in my heart the dream invoked in me. We know we are about to take on an incredibly challenging, daunting task, but we are ready to make a difference in the lives of children who so desperately need the love we have to offer, and we know our lives will be forever changed for the better for doing so.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Ready To Be Parents
I know, I know - it's been FOREVER since I blogged, and SOOO much has happened since my last entry. But hey, at least I'm writing now - that counts for something, right?!
So the last time I wrote we had just discovered that our health insurance was not going to cover any sort of fertility treatment and we were crossing our fingers that whatever new job I found would give us health insurance that did offer coverage for fertility. I had no new job, we still lived in Arizona, and we were completely unaware of how drastically our lives were about to change :). I have a lot of catching up to do and I'll try to be succinct, but I've never been good at being concise, so here goes nothing, lol.
After Christmas I had the opportunity to interview for a management training position with Enterprise Rent-a-car in Las Vegas. For some time Jeremy and I had been trying to figure out a way to get him out of the medical field and get me into a career where I could really grow and be happy, and applying for the job with Enterprise seemed too good to be true by the looks of the job description online. But, I applied nonetheless, not expecting anything to come of it. Little did I know that within months I would be starting on a new career path - with Enterprise - in Las Vegas. It really was an easy decision for our family - everything I had learned about Enterprise through the interview process and my own research made me incredibly excited to work for the company, and Jeremy and I were very quickly falling in love with Las Vegas. Lake Havasu will always hold a special place in our hearts, but Vegas has so much more to offer us in so many ways. So, Jeremy and I both resigned from our positions in Havasu and the last weekend of January we moved to Las Vegas. We were very blessed to find an awesome house to rent close to my office, and on Feb. 6 I started my new job. That same week Jeremy was offered a job with Alamo (which is owned by Enterprise) and everything in life seemed to be falling into place perfectly. We were living in a great new city, both had jobs we liked, and we had good health insurance. There was only one kink in our plan - our health insurance, yet again, had no fertility treatment coverage.
It's interesting how my emotions about motherhood have changed over time. I've gone from one end of the spectrum to the other - wanting nothing more than to have my own baby, then deciding I'd be ok adopting a baby instead, and then deciding that having a baby wasn't even a priority anymore - I just wanted a child, whether it's mine biologically or not. I'd experienced that spectrum of emotional changes before we ever started going through our fertility testing when we moved to Arizona, but the testing made me revert back to how I originally felt - I wanted to have my own baby again, and although adopting was always in the back of my mind, I didn't think I would have to go back to that option again. I assumed any fertility treatments we tried would work and before long we would be expecting. So when our insurance changed, as I mentioned in a previous post, I was devastated. I felt like our dream of being parents was just within reach and it was snatched from our hands. Life seemed cruel and unfair.
Once we got to Vegas and I learned the details of my job's health insurance - and what it didn't cover - I knew I couldn't sit around and sulk. And honestly, I didn't. I'm ready to be a mother, and I surprised myself by how quickly my emotions changed from wanting a child of my own to only caring about being a mom - I don't have to have a biological child to be a mom, and that was an option I wasn't going to "count on" anymore. It was seriously like a lightbulb switched on in my brain, and I went to work figuring out what we needed to do to adopt from the foster care system in Nevada. I'll admit we were a little nervous about pursuing that option again since it didn't turn out well when we began to pursue that option in Maryland, but it has honestly been one of the BEST decisions we have ever made. We learned about how things work in Nevada, and have been pleasantly surprised and reassured along the way that this state is different than Maryland, and what we plan to do is completely feasible and in no way an inconvenience (Maryland made us feel like we had unrealistic expectations and that we would receive no help in what we wanted to do). We also learned what Nevada required us to do, and we started doing it.
Our first step was to attend an orientation class to learn some basic information about foster care and foster-adopt in Clark County (where we live). That was on Valentine's Day - Feb. 14, 2012. At that meeting we had to fill out some basic paperwork, and then we had to wait to see if we were cleared to go ahead and get fingerprinted and submit extensive paperwork for probably the most in-depth background checks we would ever go through. At the start of March we got the go-ahead, and on my birthday - March 10, 2012 - we completed that second step (I planned that on my birthday purposely - it was an awesome birthday present to know we were doing something that would eventually lead us to being parents!). A few weeks later we were informed that we had been cleared to attend a 10-week training class to become licensed foster care parents (you have to become licensed as foster-care parents before you can adopt from the state). The classes are on the weeknights and are 3 hours each, and because Jeremy works a night shift and I have crazy hours, we were really concerned about how we would be able to attend the classes. But, yet again, everything ended up working out with our schedules and we started our classes on Wednesday, April 18, 2012.
As of this post we have completed 5 out of 10 classes, and we have had our first in-home consultation. I could write pages and pages about everything we have learned in just 5 classes - we have learned soooo much, and each week we learn more and more. We feel like sponges, soaking everything up as fast as we can and competely enthralled with what we are learning. The classes are not a piece of cake though, that's for sure. The 3rd and 4th classes were quite depressing, but still very enlightening. These kids have been through SO much, and these classes lay it all out there. The classes can be emotionally draining, but I love the conversations Jeremy and I have about what we are learning and how we plan to apply it to our parenting techniques once we have a child in our home. Oh, and the in-home consultation - totally not scary at all. We actually had it on Mother's Day - May 13, 2012. We were both nervous about what it would entail, but we were both pleasantly surprised at how easy it was - roughly 3 hours of questions about our childhoods, how we felt about certain aspects of parenting, and a short inspection to make sure our home was safe for a child to live in. Piece of cake :).
So, here's where we stand now: we have 5 more classes to attend, 1 more in-home consultation (a shorter one this time), an in-office final consultation, and then we should be licensed as foster care parents and we will be able to adopt from the foster care system when we find a child who is a good match for our family and more importantly, who we will be a good match for. We're a little nervous about things getting held up though. Remember those intense background checks we had to submit paperwork for that I mentioned earlier? Yeah well at our first in-home consultation one of the people working with us mentioned that they are still waiting to get those background checks back from 5 states - we've only lived in 6 (the 6th being Nevada!). She also mentioned that she once had a woman who ended up waiting a year and a half to get her background check completed from 1 state! Talk about a good way to make a girl anxious and concerned!! Anyways, I'm hoping that the states Jeremy and I have lived in will be quick with the checks, but I'm not too sure about that considering we submitted the paperwork for them back at the beginning of March and it's now almost June and we're still waiting - ugh. We shall see how long it takes, but if all this other stuff is done and we are just waiting on the background checks I'm gonna have to start making some calls of my own to see that it gets done!!
Anyways, we are both very excited about everything and can hardly wait until this whole process is over and we can just be parents! I never imagined that I would be soooo ready to adopt - but I am! I truely feel like I have grieved for myself for not being able to have children of my own, and that I have coped with all the emotions that come with that realization. Jeremy and I have waited long enough to be called mommy and daddy, and we could not be more thrilled about what the future holds for us - we're ready to be parents.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
A *disappointing* change in plans
Little did I know when I last posted that fate was not on our side. After all of the drama I went through to get the meds for the IUI this upcoming month, we had a change in insurance and as of Jan. 1 will no longer have fertility coverage. For us, that means we simply cannot afford to proceed with the IUI.
To say that I was crushed when I learned about this is an understatement. I felt like my dream was placed in my hands and then snatched away from me cruelly. To be soooo close to something you want sooo badly and then to have it taken away is horribly heart-wrenching. It's been at least a couple of weeks since we found out about the changes, and it's taken me until now to be even slightly ok with it. Initially I thought that maybe we could proceed without insurance coverage - than the fertility clinic told me it would be roughly $3000 for one IUI cycle, and we just don't have that kind of money right now (or will we ever??). Yeah, that was not good news. But, we do have a plan...
Most of you are aware of my current job situation - it's temporary, and most likely I will no longer be employed as of the end of January, maybe February at the latest. The timeframe isn't certain, but interviews have already been conducted for the position that will replace mine, and I can only assume that those making the hiring decisions are simply waiting until the holidays are over with before an announcement is made. I'm guessing they will give me 2 weeks notice, but I'm not even certain of that.
Anyways, I've been searching for a job for well over a month now, and we are hoping that wherever I end up employed will have good insurance coverage - coverage for infertility treatments. Until then, my fertility meds sit in the fridge, waiting to be used, and we're trying naturally in hopes that we may get incredibly lucky and get pregnant on our own (yeah, not getting my hopes up for that one!).
I'm keeping my chin up, grateful that we at least had coverage for all of the fertility testing we went through and I at least have some answers as to why I'm not getting pregnant. And I still have hope that one way or another, 2012 will be the year we finally become parents.
To say that I was crushed when I learned about this is an understatement. I felt like my dream was placed in my hands and then snatched away from me cruelly. To be soooo close to something you want sooo badly and then to have it taken away is horribly heart-wrenching. It's been at least a couple of weeks since we found out about the changes, and it's taken me until now to be even slightly ok with it. Initially I thought that maybe we could proceed without insurance coverage - than the fertility clinic told me it would be roughly $3000 for one IUI cycle, and we just don't have that kind of money right now (or will we ever??). Yeah, that was not good news. But, we do have a plan...
Most of you are aware of my current job situation - it's temporary, and most likely I will no longer be employed as of the end of January, maybe February at the latest. The timeframe isn't certain, but interviews have already been conducted for the position that will replace mine, and I can only assume that those making the hiring decisions are simply waiting until the holidays are over with before an announcement is made. I'm guessing they will give me 2 weeks notice, but I'm not even certain of that.
Anyways, I've been searching for a job for well over a month now, and we are hoping that wherever I end up employed will have good insurance coverage - coverage for infertility treatments. Until then, my fertility meds sit in the fridge, waiting to be used, and we're trying naturally in hopes that we may get incredibly lucky and get pregnant on our own (yeah, not getting my hopes up for that one!).
I'm keeping my chin up, grateful that we at least had coverage for all of the fertility testing we went through and I at least have some answers as to why I'm not getting pregnant. And I still have hope that one way or another, 2012 will be the year we finally become parents.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Life is good :)
Yes, life is good. Really, really good :). Maybe it is part of Heavenly Father's plan to have all this IUI stuff work out for us, because sure enough, the injectable meds I need to take for the best success possible were pretty much covered under our insurance. We still had to fork out roughly $280, but that was for 3 different meds - all of which arrived at our house today! I won't need them for about another 2-3 weeks at the earliest (I think, lol), but I like to be prepared, and having the meds already on hand helps me stress less.
Yes, I'm stressed. But I'll get to that in a minute ;). First, let me update you on the whole insurance/meds issue. Can I just say that it drives me crazy when people - especially within the same company - are NOT on the same page. First Caremark (our prescription pharmacy) tells me Gonal-F is gonna be at least $1000 for a small dosage (and I was gonna need A LOT), and that I need pre-authorization for it. Then I'm told it will be at least $1500 for that small dosage. Then I discover I'm being prescribed Follistim instead of the Gonal-F, and when I call to talk to Caremark about it, I find out I don't need a pre-authorization for it afterall (that's only needed for the HCG trigger shot), and I'm told it's $87.50 per 900 units (I need 1200 total). Um ok, HUGE DIFFERENCE PEOPLE! I understand that the cheaper price is for a different drug, but they do the same thing and Follistim is actually stronger than Gonal-F, so I think it's pretty safe to assume that the price differences should be small (plus my fertility clinic told me that too). Anyhow, when the woman I spoke to at Caremark told me that all the drugs I would need would be under $200 total, I had to force myself to not cry on the phone. Yeah, totally serious about that. I told her she had completely made my day, and can I just add that she was soooo sweet about everything too, even wishing me good luck with my baby in the future. Yes, there really are good hearted people out there still :). (Besides all of you of course!)
Anyways, so after confirming some things with the fertility clinic, I got a call from Caremark to schedule the delivery of my medications! These type of medications have to come from a speciality pharmacy, so they get shipped to me, overnight. Although the Caremark representative was able to tell me that I would have a copay that would need to be paid before the meds shipped, she unfortunately could not tell me what the copay would be. Ugh - yet again there I was waiting...yeah, it had been a week by this time - that's too long to wait to know something so important!! Thankfully I didn't have to wait more than a few hours, and found out I owed just a little over $280. Yet again, that was not the under $200 total I was told I would have before, but whatever - it was good enough! The meds were ordered, I paid, and they were on their way. Jeremy had the day off today, and when I got home from work he had already unpacked everything for me and put the Follistim in the fridge (it has to be kept cool) and everything else in it's proper place. Yeah!!
Ok, back to me being stressed. Nervous is actually a better way to sum up how I'm feeling right now. So as if just not being able to get pregnant in the first place isn't nerve-wracking enough, let's add on the insurance complications! I'm glad it's pretty much figured out now, but geesh, what a way to work up a girl's emotions!! Because I thought I was waiting for a pre-authorization from my insurance company, I was trying to be patient and wait until I heard back from the fertility clinic as to whether or not I had been approved and we could go ahead and get the order started so I could find out the price. Yeah, trying is the key word there, lol. Friday I called the clinic and there hadn't been any word yet. So I was forced to wait until Monday, when I swear I called the fertility clinic about 4 times asking about the pre-authorization and other things I was trying to figure out. I'm at the point now where all I have to do is say my name and they know who I am....lol...Anyways, then of course today I have to call them again because the pharmacy forgot to give me the "pen" I need to actual inject the meds (the clinic has extras so they will give me one when I go up for my next appointment). They must love hearing from me, lol...if my calls start going unanswered I'll know it's because they've learned my phone number and don't want to answer any more of my questions, lol. Nah, they're actually always sooo nice and understanding, thank goodness!
So the insurance/meds mess was my big stressor for awhile, but now that that's taken care of, reality is starting to sink in a little more, and my nerves are starting to get on edge a bit about this whole process. For one thing, I hate needles, and injecting myself every day (especially now that I have the meds and can see what the needles look like) makes me feel slightly nauseated. Thankfully Jeremy has lots of experience sticking people with needles, so that's his job in this process (other than the obvious of course, lol).
Most of my anxiety about all of this though comes from the potential results. Of course if we're successful my elation will be too immense for words....but if we're not, well, that's it for fertility treatments (other than maybe just some cycles of pills which I don't really have any faith in). I'm determined to be a mother, one way or another, but I desperately want my own biological child. If we have to adopt I will love that child more than life itself, but if we aren't forced to go that route, I don't want to. And that's what I'm worried about - I don't want to have to go that route. I want a child that's me and Jeremy. I wanna go through morning sickness (yeah, call me crazy, lol), have cravings, gain weight for a logical, accepted reason, and experience childbirth. I want to watch our child grow into an adult from infancy. When it comes down to it, I'll take whatever I can get, biological or adopted child, but this whole fertility testing process has really reinforced my desire for a biological child. The two weeks I have to wait after the insemination to find out if I'm pregnant will probably be the longest two weeks of my life. And then of course if we are lucky and get pregnant, I'll be a worry-wart through the entire first trimester, thanks to my previous miscarriage.
Hopefully I won't have to wait too much longer though...if all goes as planned, we should know if we're pregnant no later than February 18 or 19, which means my first trimester would be over no later than April/May...here's to hoping February hurries up and gets here!!
Yes, I'm stressed. But I'll get to that in a minute ;). First, let me update you on the whole insurance/meds issue. Can I just say that it drives me crazy when people - especially within the same company - are NOT on the same page. First Caremark (our prescription pharmacy) tells me Gonal-F is gonna be at least $1000 for a small dosage (and I was gonna need A LOT), and that I need pre-authorization for it. Then I'm told it will be at least $1500 for that small dosage. Then I discover I'm being prescribed Follistim instead of the Gonal-F, and when I call to talk to Caremark about it, I find out I don't need a pre-authorization for it afterall (that's only needed for the HCG trigger shot), and I'm told it's $87.50 per 900 units (I need 1200 total). Um ok, HUGE DIFFERENCE PEOPLE! I understand that the cheaper price is for a different drug, but they do the same thing and Follistim is actually stronger than Gonal-F, so I think it's pretty safe to assume that the price differences should be small (plus my fertility clinic told me that too). Anyhow, when the woman I spoke to at Caremark told me that all the drugs I would need would be under $200 total, I had to force myself to not cry on the phone. Yeah, totally serious about that. I told her she had completely made my day, and can I just add that she was soooo sweet about everything too, even wishing me good luck with my baby in the future. Yes, there really are good hearted people out there still :). (Besides all of you of course!)
Anyways, so after confirming some things with the fertility clinic, I got a call from Caremark to schedule the delivery of my medications! These type of medications have to come from a speciality pharmacy, so they get shipped to me, overnight. Although the Caremark representative was able to tell me that I would have a copay that would need to be paid before the meds shipped, she unfortunately could not tell me what the copay would be. Ugh - yet again there I was waiting...yeah, it had been a week by this time - that's too long to wait to know something so important!! Thankfully I didn't have to wait more than a few hours, and found out I owed just a little over $280. Yet again, that was not the under $200 total I was told I would have before, but whatever - it was good enough! The meds were ordered, I paid, and they were on their way. Jeremy had the day off today, and when I got home from work he had already unpacked everything for me and put the Follistim in the fridge (it has to be kept cool) and everything else in it's proper place. Yeah!!
Ok, back to me being stressed. Nervous is actually a better way to sum up how I'm feeling right now. So as if just not being able to get pregnant in the first place isn't nerve-wracking enough, let's add on the insurance complications! I'm glad it's pretty much figured out now, but geesh, what a way to work up a girl's emotions!! Because I thought I was waiting for a pre-authorization from my insurance company, I was trying to be patient and wait until I heard back from the fertility clinic as to whether or not I had been approved and we could go ahead and get the order started so I could find out the price. Yeah, trying is the key word there, lol. Friday I called the clinic and there hadn't been any word yet. So I was forced to wait until Monday, when I swear I called the fertility clinic about 4 times asking about the pre-authorization and other things I was trying to figure out. I'm at the point now where all I have to do is say my name and they know who I am....lol...Anyways, then of course today I have to call them again because the pharmacy forgot to give me the "pen" I need to actual inject the meds (the clinic has extras so they will give me one when I go up for my next appointment). They must love hearing from me, lol...if my calls start going unanswered I'll know it's because they've learned my phone number and don't want to answer any more of my questions, lol. Nah, they're actually always sooo nice and understanding, thank goodness!
So the insurance/meds mess was my big stressor for awhile, but now that that's taken care of, reality is starting to sink in a little more, and my nerves are starting to get on edge a bit about this whole process. For one thing, I hate needles, and injecting myself every day (especially now that I have the meds and can see what the needles look like) makes me feel slightly nauseated. Thankfully Jeremy has lots of experience sticking people with needles, so that's his job in this process (other than the obvious of course, lol).
Most of my anxiety about all of this though comes from the potential results. Of course if we're successful my elation will be too immense for words....but if we're not, well, that's it for fertility treatments (other than maybe just some cycles of pills which I don't really have any faith in). I'm determined to be a mother, one way or another, but I desperately want my own biological child. If we have to adopt I will love that child more than life itself, but if we aren't forced to go that route, I don't want to. And that's what I'm worried about - I don't want to have to go that route. I want a child that's me and Jeremy. I wanna go through morning sickness (yeah, call me crazy, lol), have cravings, gain weight for a logical, accepted reason, and experience childbirth. I want to watch our child grow into an adult from infancy. When it comes down to it, I'll take whatever I can get, biological or adopted child, but this whole fertility testing process has really reinforced my desire for a biological child. The two weeks I have to wait after the insemination to find out if I'm pregnant will probably be the longest two weeks of my life. And then of course if we are lucky and get pregnant, I'll be a worry-wart through the entire first trimester, thanks to my previous miscarriage.
Hopefully I won't have to wait too much longer though...if all goes as planned, we should know if we're pregnant no later than February 18 or 19, which means my first trimester would be over no later than April/May...here's to hoping February hurries up and gets here!!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Fertility Future, Part 2
Did you get enough of a breather, lol?? Ok, here we go...Part 2!
So my insurance has no coverage limits for infertility diagnosis. It does, however, put a $1500 lifetime maximum on infertility treatments. That include medications. We have what is known as a Health Reimbursement Account, which means that our insurance gives us an allocated amount to use for "free" before we start paying anything (including copays!). We are given $650. Ironic, aye? (remember, the IUI procedure and the things included with it should come out to be about $650.) That DOES count toward the $1500 max though, so that means that if the IUI cost $650, we only have another $850 that the insurance will cover to any degree. That remaining $850 will only require us to make our copays, but once we've reached that limit, we're completely on our own.
Here's the problem...the FSH injections (Follistim) are not cheap. My doctor originally told me that I would be taking an injectable called Gonal-F (instead of Follistim). After speaking to my insurance this morning, I was told that I could expect 900 units of the Gonal-F to cost about $1500. Well, my doc told me that I would need to take roughly 260 units A DAY for 12 DAYS, which means I would need over 3000 units...which means it would cost more than $5000 JUST FOR THE MEDS! Um yeah, sooo not gonna happen.
After talking to a lot of you last night on Facebook, I decided this morning that I needed to call my fertility clinic and ask them about the meds. What I found out was fantastic! After I left my appointment last night, my doctor apparently reviewed my case and decided that she wanted me to take Follistim instead of the Gonal-F, and since it's stronger than the Gonal-F, I will only need 100 units of it a day. According to the nurse I spoke with at the clinic, usually the Follistim costs about $100 per 100 units. Which means that over the course of the 12 days I need to take it, it should be roughly $1200. Yeah, that's a HUGE difference!! Anyways, my insurance requires prior authorization before I can take/it will cover any injectable medication, so today the nurse I spoke with was going to get the process started so that I can stop worrying. Seriously, there are such incredible people working there!! She's ordering the Follistim through the specialty pharmacy (normal pharmacies don't generally carry FSH injectables), they will send her an authorization form for the insurance approval, she will submit that to my insurance, they will approve or deny it, and then she will call me to let me know what the EXACT cost will be. From what I am told the authorization usually only takes a couple of days, so I am hoping that I hear sooner rather than later. Approval from the insurance companies depends on whether or not they feel that the medicine is medically necessary for what I am doing...if they deny it, I'll be shocked. I really can't forsee that happening, especially since it says in my coverage (and I verified it more than once with insurance in the past 12 hours, lol) that medications for the treatment of infertility are covered to a certain amount.
Sooooo, now it's a waiting game. I swear Heavenly Father has a sense of humor...He knows I'm not a patient person, and let me tell you, this ENTIRE infertility issue has been the biggest test in patience for me EVER, lol! If it all works out like I'm hoping it will, we will end up paying, out of pocket, about $450 for EVERYTHING. Now that's affordable!! What sucks is that if this IUI cycle doesn't work, we won't be able to afford to do it again, since we will have maxed out our lifetime benefits...unless...I get a new job, with health insurance that has fertility benefits. Then we will switch to that insurance and maybe we will try again!
Anyways, I think I about covered everything...except I wanted to say to all of you, THANK YOU!!! Never before have I felt so much support and love from people all over the globe for what we are going through. I cannot even begin to express to you all how much it means to me to know that you are praying for us, thinking of us, giving us your advice, helping us in any way you can. It has been your support that has seriously gotten me through all of this, and I cannot thank you all enough!! I love you all!
So my insurance has no coverage limits for infertility diagnosis. It does, however, put a $1500 lifetime maximum on infertility treatments. That include medications. We have what is known as a Health Reimbursement Account, which means that our insurance gives us an allocated amount to use for "free" before we start paying anything (including copays!). We are given $650. Ironic, aye? (remember, the IUI procedure and the things included with it should come out to be about $650.) That DOES count toward the $1500 max though, so that means that if the IUI cost $650, we only have another $850 that the insurance will cover to any degree. That remaining $850 will only require us to make our copays, but once we've reached that limit, we're completely on our own.
Here's the problem...the FSH injections (Follistim) are not cheap. My doctor originally told me that I would be taking an injectable called Gonal-F (instead of Follistim). After speaking to my insurance this morning, I was told that I could expect 900 units of the Gonal-F to cost about $1500. Well, my doc told me that I would need to take roughly 260 units A DAY for 12 DAYS, which means I would need over 3000 units...which means it would cost more than $5000 JUST FOR THE MEDS! Um yeah, sooo not gonna happen.
After talking to a lot of you last night on Facebook, I decided this morning that I needed to call my fertility clinic and ask them about the meds. What I found out was fantastic! After I left my appointment last night, my doctor apparently reviewed my case and decided that she wanted me to take Follistim instead of the Gonal-F, and since it's stronger than the Gonal-F, I will only need 100 units of it a day. According to the nurse I spoke with at the clinic, usually the Follistim costs about $100 per 100 units. Which means that over the course of the 12 days I need to take it, it should be roughly $1200. Yeah, that's a HUGE difference!! Anyways, my insurance requires prior authorization before I can take/it will cover any injectable medication, so today the nurse I spoke with was going to get the process started so that I can stop worrying. Seriously, there are such incredible people working there!! She's ordering the Follistim through the specialty pharmacy (normal pharmacies don't generally carry FSH injectables), they will send her an authorization form for the insurance approval, she will submit that to my insurance, they will approve or deny it, and then she will call me to let me know what the EXACT cost will be. From what I am told the authorization usually only takes a couple of days, so I am hoping that I hear sooner rather than later. Approval from the insurance companies depends on whether or not they feel that the medicine is medically necessary for what I am doing...if they deny it, I'll be shocked. I really can't forsee that happening, especially since it says in my coverage (and I verified it more than once with insurance in the past 12 hours, lol) that medications for the treatment of infertility are covered to a certain amount.
Sooooo, now it's a waiting game. I swear Heavenly Father has a sense of humor...He knows I'm not a patient person, and let me tell you, this ENTIRE infertility issue has been the biggest test in patience for me EVER, lol! If it all works out like I'm hoping it will, we will end up paying, out of pocket, about $450 for EVERYTHING. Now that's affordable!! What sucks is that if this IUI cycle doesn't work, we won't be able to afford to do it again, since we will have maxed out our lifetime benefits...unless...I get a new job, with health insurance that has fertility benefits. Then we will switch to that insurance and maybe we will try again!
Anyways, I think I about covered everything...except I wanted to say to all of you, THANK YOU!!! Never before have I felt so much support and love from people all over the globe for what we are going through. I cannot even begin to express to you all how much it means to me to know that you are praying for us, thinking of us, giving us your advice, helping us in any way you can. It has been your support that has seriously gotten me through all of this, and I cannot thank you all enough!! I love you all!
Fertility Future, Part 1
*Warning: This is a long post, with more information than you may care to know, lol...*
What an emotional rollercoaster the past 24+ hours have been. I was incredibly nervous going into my appointment, elated when I was told we were good candidates for IUI, and then the worry about the medication costs set in on my drive home. And then, I called the insurance company and was told that the least I could expect to pay for only a third of the medication I would need was probably $1000. Yeah, soooo not in the budget. Then today, I'm told that's wrong...needless to say, I'm emotionally exhausted, and it isn't over yet. Before I get more into all of that though, let me talk more about what I found out at my follow-up consultation yesterday.
First off, let me just say for the billionth time that I absolutely LOVE this fertility clinic. They are all sooo nice, so caring, and so sensitive. I'm so grateful for that! So my doctor reviewed all the results of both Jeremy's tests and my tests, and here's what I learned:
The Good
1. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with Jeremy. His tests all came back well above where they need to be, so we know he is not contributing at all to me not getting pregnant. Good news!
2. My good and bad cholesterol levels are all normal and in a healthy range, and both Jeremy and I tested negative for the slew of things they tested us for.
3. My hysteroscopy back in November showed that I had some tissue that my body didn't get rid of when I had my miscarriage back in 2009. Thankfully the hysteroscopy removed it, and it shouldn't be a problem in the future. (It being there could lead to future miscarriages, so I'm glad it's gone!)
4. My fallopian tubes are completely open.
The Not So Good
1. My PCOS is producing a crazy amount of eggs. This wasn't too surprising to hear since my doc had show at least 20 of them to me when I had an ultrasound done back in October.
2. Because I produce so many eggs, some of them are bound to be made up of some abnormal chromosomes...this is most likely what caused my miscarriage in 2009 (although there's no way to be 100% sure, it's a pretty good guess).
3. My body has a hard time metabolizing folic acid correctly - which is sooo important during pregnancy! Because of that, I have to take medicine to correct that, from now until the time my first trimester ends, whenever that happens!
4. Somehow they have tests that measure how close you are to starting menopause ( I can't remember exactly what it is that they measure). A menopausal woman measures at a 10 - at age 28 I'm measuring at 7.5...I should be between a 4-6. Basically, it just means I have less time than someone else my age to get pregnant (like I really needed something else working against me!).
Overall I am pleased with the results of all the testing. One thing is for sure - I now definitely believe in seeing a fertility specialist and going through the tests for anyone who has unsuccessfully been trying to get pregnant for awhile. We were going to do IUI in Fairbanks but decided against it because the timing wasn't right for us financially - I can't help but think how that may have been a blessing in disguise...had we had a successful IUI cycle without me knowing about my folic acid deficiency or the excess tissue from my previous miscarriage, we could have lost the baby or had a child born with serious health problems.
Anyways, here's the overall conclusion: The only thing standing in our way of getting pregnant is my PCOS. I can't even begin to explain to you how relieved I am to have heard my doctor say that. I went into the appointment prepared to be told that I would never be able to get pregnant. Instead, I'm told that pregnancy is totally possible. Saying that I was relieved would be the understatement of the century!
My doctor recommended IUI, done with injectable FSH (follicle stimulating hormone). So here's the plan:
1. Wait until my cycle starts again, and call the clinic the first day. If I don't start on my own by New Years then I will once again take Provera for 10 days to jumpstart my cycle (the last time I took it I started the day after I stopped taking it).
2. On day 3 of my cycle I will go to the clinic for an ultrasound and bloodwork. That's also when I will start injecting myselg with a drug called Follistem (the FSH medicine).
3. For the next 12 days approximately (give or take a day or two) I will inject myself daily - really I should say that Jeremy will be injecting me, since I have a fear of needles and there is no way in heck that I could poke myself daily with a needle in my abdomen or thigh!!
4. During the 12 days I am injecting the FSH I will go to the clinic every 4 days for an ultrasound and bloodwork, where they will measure the follicles I have growing inside.
5. When I have some (or maybe just 1? but I'm guessing at least 2) good sized follicles, they will give me what is known as an HCG trigger shot, which will induce ovulation.
6. 36 hours after the trigger shot Jeremy and I will be back in the clinic. Jeremy will give his sample, they "wash" it (basically they seperate the sperm from the seminal fluid, and the not so good sperm are left behind), and they will then place it directly inside of my uterus using a special catheter and syringe. The idea is that the sperm will be right there waiting for the egg. Usually sperm have to travel through a pretty hostile environment to get to the uterus, so IUI removes those obstacles:).
7. After the procedure I will go back to the clinic a few more times to do bloodwork to measure my progesterone and other things that are needed to sustain a healthy pregnancy.
8. Two weeks after the procedure, I go in and they tell me if I'm pregnant!
9. If I am, I will see my fertility doctor up until I am 10 weeks, and then start going strictly to my OB/GYN in Lake Havasu, and the rest is history!
Phew...are you tired of reading yet? Yeah, there's more...sorry, lol! So the IUI - which includes my ultrasound on day 3, the collection and wash of Jeremy's sperm, my bloodwork, the ultrasounds throughout the whole process, and the actual insemination - should be roughly $650. But then there's the cost of the medications...that's the game changer...
Ok, take a breather...that's the end of Part 1, lol!
What an emotional rollercoaster the past 24+ hours have been. I was incredibly nervous going into my appointment, elated when I was told we were good candidates for IUI, and then the worry about the medication costs set in on my drive home. And then, I called the insurance company and was told that the least I could expect to pay for only a third of the medication I would need was probably $1000. Yeah, soooo not in the budget. Then today, I'm told that's wrong...needless to say, I'm emotionally exhausted, and it isn't over yet. Before I get more into all of that though, let me talk more about what I found out at my follow-up consultation yesterday.
First off, let me just say for the billionth time that I absolutely LOVE this fertility clinic. They are all sooo nice, so caring, and so sensitive. I'm so grateful for that! So my doctor reviewed all the results of both Jeremy's tests and my tests, and here's what I learned:
The Good
1. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with Jeremy. His tests all came back well above where they need to be, so we know he is not contributing at all to me not getting pregnant. Good news!
2. My good and bad cholesterol levels are all normal and in a healthy range, and both Jeremy and I tested negative for the slew of things they tested us for.
3. My hysteroscopy back in November showed that I had some tissue that my body didn't get rid of when I had my miscarriage back in 2009. Thankfully the hysteroscopy removed it, and it shouldn't be a problem in the future. (It being there could lead to future miscarriages, so I'm glad it's gone!)
4. My fallopian tubes are completely open.
The Not So Good
1. My PCOS is producing a crazy amount of eggs. This wasn't too surprising to hear since my doc had show at least 20 of them to me when I had an ultrasound done back in October.
2. Because I produce so many eggs, some of them are bound to be made up of some abnormal chromosomes...this is most likely what caused my miscarriage in 2009 (although there's no way to be 100% sure, it's a pretty good guess).
3. My body has a hard time metabolizing folic acid correctly - which is sooo important during pregnancy! Because of that, I have to take medicine to correct that, from now until the time my first trimester ends, whenever that happens!
4. Somehow they have tests that measure how close you are to starting menopause ( I can't remember exactly what it is that they measure). A menopausal woman measures at a 10 - at age 28 I'm measuring at 7.5...I should be between a 4-6. Basically, it just means I have less time than someone else my age to get pregnant (like I really needed something else working against me!).
Overall I am pleased with the results of all the testing. One thing is for sure - I now definitely believe in seeing a fertility specialist and going through the tests for anyone who has unsuccessfully been trying to get pregnant for awhile. We were going to do IUI in Fairbanks but decided against it because the timing wasn't right for us financially - I can't help but think how that may have been a blessing in disguise...had we had a successful IUI cycle without me knowing about my folic acid deficiency or the excess tissue from my previous miscarriage, we could have lost the baby or had a child born with serious health problems.
Anyways, here's the overall conclusion: The only thing standing in our way of getting pregnant is my PCOS. I can't even begin to explain to you how relieved I am to have heard my doctor say that. I went into the appointment prepared to be told that I would never be able to get pregnant. Instead, I'm told that pregnancy is totally possible. Saying that I was relieved would be the understatement of the century!
My doctor recommended IUI, done with injectable FSH (follicle stimulating hormone). So here's the plan:
1. Wait until my cycle starts again, and call the clinic the first day. If I don't start on my own by New Years then I will once again take Provera for 10 days to jumpstart my cycle (the last time I took it I started the day after I stopped taking it).
2. On day 3 of my cycle I will go to the clinic for an ultrasound and bloodwork. That's also when I will start injecting myselg with a drug called Follistem (the FSH medicine).
3. For the next 12 days approximately (give or take a day or two) I will inject myself daily - really I should say that Jeremy will be injecting me, since I have a fear of needles and there is no way in heck that I could poke myself daily with a needle in my abdomen or thigh!!
4. During the 12 days I am injecting the FSH I will go to the clinic every 4 days for an ultrasound and bloodwork, where they will measure the follicles I have growing inside.
5. When I have some (or maybe just 1? but I'm guessing at least 2) good sized follicles, they will give me what is known as an HCG trigger shot, which will induce ovulation.
6. 36 hours after the trigger shot Jeremy and I will be back in the clinic. Jeremy will give his sample, they "wash" it (basically they seperate the sperm from the seminal fluid, and the not so good sperm are left behind), and they will then place it directly inside of my uterus using a special catheter and syringe. The idea is that the sperm will be right there waiting for the egg. Usually sperm have to travel through a pretty hostile environment to get to the uterus, so IUI removes those obstacles:).
7. After the procedure I will go back to the clinic a few more times to do bloodwork to measure my progesterone and other things that are needed to sustain a healthy pregnancy.
8. Two weeks after the procedure, I go in and they tell me if I'm pregnant!
9. If I am, I will see my fertility doctor up until I am 10 weeks, and then start going strictly to my OB/GYN in Lake Havasu, and the rest is history!
Phew...are you tired of reading yet? Yeah, there's more...sorry, lol! So the IUI - which includes my ultrasound on day 3, the collection and wash of Jeremy's sperm, my bloodwork, the ultrasounds throughout the whole process, and the actual insemination - should be roughly $650. But then there's the cost of the medications...that's the game changer...
Ok, take a breather...that's the end of Part 1, lol!
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