Life is good :)

Yes, life is good. Really, really good :). Maybe it is part of Heavenly Father's plan to have all this IUI stuff work out for us, because sure enough, the injectable meds I need to take for the best success possible were pretty much covered under our insurance. We still had to fork out roughly $280, but that was for 3 different meds - all of which arrived at our house today! I won't need them for about another 2-3 weeks at the earliest (I think, lol), but I like to be prepared, and having the meds already on hand helps me stress less.

Yes, I'm stressed. But I'll get to that in a minute ;). First, let me update you on the whole insurance/meds issue. Can I just say that it drives me crazy when people - especially within the same company - are NOT on the same page. First Caremark (our prescription pharmacy) tells me Gonal-F is gonna be at least $1000 for a small dosage (and I was gonna need A LOT), and that I need pre-authorization for it. Then I'm told it will be at least $1500 for that small dosage. Then I discover I'm being prescribed Follistim instead of the Gonal-F, and when I call to talk to Caremark about it, I find out I don't need a pre-authorization for it afterall (that's only needed for the HCG trigger shot), and I'm told it's $87.50 per 900 units (I need 1200 total). Um ok, HUGE DIFFERENCE PEOPLE! I understand that the cheaper price is for a different drug, but they do the same thing and Follistim is actually stronger than Gonal-F, so I think it's pretty safe to assume that the price differences should be small (plus my fertility clinic told me that too). Anyhow, when the woman I spoke to at Caremark told me that all the drugs I would need would be under $200 total, I had to force myself to not cry on the phone. Yeah, totally serious about that. I told her she had completely made my day, and can I just add that she was soooo sweet about everything too, even wishing me good luck with my baby in the future. Yes, there really are good hearted people out there still :). (Besides all of you of course!)

Anyways, so after confirming some things with the fertility clinic, I got a call from Caremark to schedule the delivery of my medications! These type of medications have to come from a speciality pharmacy, so they get shipped to me, overnight. Although the Caremark representative was able to tell me that I would have a copay that would need to be paid before the meds shipped, she unfortunately could not tell me what the copay would be. Ugh - yet again there I was waiting...yeah, it had been a week by this time - that's too long to wait to know something so important!! Thankfully I didn't have to wait more than a few hours, and found out I owed just a little over $280. Yet again, that was not the under $200 total I was told I would have before, but whatever - it was good enough! The meds were ordered, I paid, and they were on their way. Jeremy had the day off today, and when I got home from work he had already unpacked everything for me and put the Follistim in the fridge (it has to be kept cool) and everything else in it's proper place. Yeah!!

Ok, back to me being stressed. Nervous is actually a better way to sum up how I'm feeling right now. So as if just not being able to get pregnant in the first place isn't nerve-wracking enough, let's add on the insurance complications! I'm glad it's pretty much figured out now, but geesh, what a way to work up a girl's emotions!! Because I thought I was waiting for a pre-authorization from my insurance company, I was trying to be patient and wait until I heard back from the fertility clinic as to whether or not I had been approved and we could go ahead and get the order started so I could find out the price. Yeah, trying is the key word there, lol. Friday I called the clinic and there hadn't been any word yet. So I was forced to wait until Monday, when I swear I called the fertility clinic about 4 times asking about the pre-authorization and other things I was trying to figure out. I'm at the point now where all I have to do is say my name and they know who I am....lol...Anyways, then of course today I have to call them again because the pharmacy forgot to give me the "pen" I need to actual inject the meds (the clinic has extras so they will give me one when I go up for my next appointment). They must love hearing from me, lol...if my calls start going unanswered I'll know it's because they've learned my phone number and don't want to answer any more of my questions, lol. Nah, they're actually always sooo nice and understanding, thank goodness!

So the insurance/meds mess was my big stressor for awhile, but now that that's taken care of, reality is starting to sink in a little more, and my nerves are starting to get on edge a bit about this whole process. For one thing, I hate needles, and injecting myself every day (especially now that I have the meds and can see what the needles look like) makes me feel slightly nauseated. Thankfully Jeremy has lots of experience sticking people with needles, so that's his job in this process (other than the obvious of course, lol).

Most of my anxiety about all of this though comes from the potential results. Of course if we're successful my elation will be too immense for words....but if we're not, well, that's it for fertility treatments (other than maybe just some cycles of pills which I don't really have any faith in). I'm determined to be a mother, one way or another, but I desperately want my own biological child. If we have to adopt I will love that child more than life itself, but if we aren't forced to go that route, I don't want to. And that's what I'm worried about - I don't want to have to go that route. I want a child that's me and Jeremy. I wanna go through morning sickness (yeah, call me crazy, lol), have cravings, gain weight for a logical, accepted reason, and experience childbirth. I want to watch our child grow into an adult from infancy. When it comes down to it, I'll take whatever I can get, biological or adopted child, but this whole fertility testing process has really reinforced my desire for a biological child. The two weeks I have to wait after the insemination to find out if I'm pregnant will probably be the longest two weeks of my life. And then of course if we are lucky and get pregnant, I'll be a worry-wart through the entire first trimester, thanks to my previous miscarriage.

Hopefully I won't have to wait too much longer though...if all goes as planned, we should know if we're pregnant no later than February 18 or 19, which means my first trimester would be over no later than April/May...here's to hoping February hurries up and gets here!!